I traditionally have been fairly good at living in the moment. Experiencing things as they come about. These last couple of years have made that difficult, however.
The flip side to this is that my memory works that way as well a lot of the time. No one remembers all the details of mundane life. As such, so many of my happiest, most joyful memories of Hillary are short clips.
It is almost like my brain would go through our routines and not store the memories away. Then one of us would say or do something that made me incredibly happy. That flash of feeling and Hillary's face would get burned into my memory, but none of the surrounding details.
Both of us laughing at the kitchen table with zero, one or two kids with us. The expression on her face any one of numerous times when she realized I had just got a point. Her expression when she realized she had just got one and I didn't know it yet. Team Taylor fistbumps and hugs.
I rarely remember what we said or what prompted these things. It's a collection of short feelings and memories that build up the backdrop of the relationship.
I don't know how to talk about these hundreds of flashes. With prompting of explicit details, I could probably recall more of many of those situations. But the only one who could really provide the surrounding details is gone now.
Over time, there will be random events that spur these memories. I will try to document them at the time. But more will be lost. That hurts too.